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Future Clippings: Knowledge caps for bio-education

By Adam Ashby Gibbard

The Canadian government has passed legislation imposing caps on university knowledge distributors, known colloquially as “Degree Vending Machines.” These caps are being enforced throughout the country in response to economic turmoil caused by the bioeducation industry over the past 10 years.

“Unfettered access to learning has caused major gaps in a labour market desperate for skilled individuals. Knowing a lot predisposes youth to entitlement and not usefulness,” said Peppa Doppler, Minister of Human and Machine Labour. “BrainTech and other companies are now being asked to comply with the government, but there will still be a need to strengthen the policing of knowledge black markets.”

The bill will cap knowledge distribution by pegging it to present and future labour needs, which is especially pressing for the farming and construction industries in the wake of increased climate change.

Greg Padapolis says that his five undergraduate and two graduate degrees have not helped him find a job. “I should have just gone to school for plumbing; at least then I could feed myself,” he said.

With such a well-educated population job requirements have never been so high. Fast food jobs now require at least a Masters of Divinity in Food Services, whereas programmers in the biomedical industry require at least two PhDs and a specialized certificate in Bioeducation, which can’t be bought at a knowledge distributor.

Some students, however, see this as an infringement on their right to access whatever learning they want. “I was just about to register for a brain infusion on the philosophy of social mediation, something I’ve been interested in for a long time,” said Bernard Polltip, a high school student from Ottawa. “Now I’m being told I should naturally learn to farm?!”

When asked to comment on the possible intrusion of peoples’ rights Peppa Doppler said “there’s nothing stopping student from picking up a book if they don’t like it. This is about more than their interests.”

This article first appeared in the Leveller Vol. 10, No. 3 (Nov/Dec 2017).

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